Pretty
Trying to see
Myself as such
For so long
I have focused
On the negativity
Found fault
Found reasons
To tear myself apart
I had something
That pulled men
Towards me
The whistles
Scares
Uncomfortable
The intensity
Of men’s attraction
Boldly crossed the line
My own sexuality
Always
Overwhelmed me
Rather than facing it
I ran away
Too strong,
Too intense
Unable to be controlled
By someone like me
Not knowing what else to do
Closed myself off
From the rest of the world
Gained weight
To mask
My increasing insecurity
Tried to hide
What I looked like
From everyone in sight
Now I am at the point
Where I am looking
To make a change
Increasing
My inner strength
By pulling down
The walls
That have kept me
From living my life
Difficult
Battling myself
And my own vulnerabilities
past pain
Keeps coming up
Like a slap in the face
As I try to believe
In myself
And who I want to be
This was lovely… you are battling being so attractive that you attract a lot of attention and I want to be more attractive just so I can get a second glance. You gained weight and I am trying so hard to lose it and failing. We both need to find strength and confidence within each other.
Very beautiful writing. The new can only be rebuilt upon the ruins of the old…so the old is torn down first.
It is painful…but cleansing like fire…and forges steel so it is even stronger afterwards. This is where you are going beautiful. Don’t be afraid of being burned.
Love, A.